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Villajuan, Louise Anne C.


Exciting. Writing this essay wasn't easy at all but it is exciting. It took  me few minutes to decide how should I start this thing. It took me lots of courage to reveal things about me. I don't know what is this for or maybe I know. Is it confusing? What can I say, I, myself, am confusing too.
I remember my mother telling me that she and my father are not about to get married yet, but my grandparents thought that my mom is pregnant so they planned the wedding. I thought that was me, everyone thought that was me, but I was not. I was born twenty-two months after that.  It was raining that 17th day of August in the year 1994 when they first hear me cry. Who could have thought I will cry? They are telling me stories like, people tease me every time they see my not-so-good face. I don't look like my mother or father at all. Was I even their daughter? A tragedy came, nine weeks after I was born, a problem occurred in the chord that connects me to my mother when I am still inside her womb. It was my first operation where I almost run out of blood and  almost die. People won't see me today if it wasn't for my father's blood. After that day, they took care of me like I am a jewel or something.
Life has never been easy for my family. We are not rich but I can not consider us economically challenged. My parents income is enough to eat three times a day. I have not got everything I wanted besides I am not asking for it. I am afraid to ask because I am afraid no one will answer. I live my life having the motto “Expecting is one way of hurting yourself”. That is why, if possible I would not expect. Hurting is not my favorite part. But I get my strengths in my weaknesses. I look up after I was hurt. I am simply not the typical kind of a sixteen year old girl.
Something interesting about me? I do write stories specifically love stories. I'm posting it in a website where people can read it. It strikes my heart every single time they call me 'Ms. Author'. That is just a simple way to make me happy. In that site, I feel like I am being appreciated even by strangers. The feeling of being appreciated brings me in cloud 9. I easily get touched by words but I easily get hurt by words too. Not everyone understands me and not everyone loves me.
Name is the only thing I own. It is the only thing that others can not steal away from me. My name I guess, reflects who am I. 'Louise' according to the internet means famous warrior. I am a famous warrior , at least I think I am. I do not fight in war of countries instead I fight to win in my own war, my life. 'Anne' is originated from the word Anniversary since my parents' Anniversary is also on the seventeenth day. Others call me LV which made me feel like I am as precious as Louis Vuitton bag. Some used LAV which others mistaken it as an endearment. Whatever you call me is not a big deal  as long as it is me that you are referring. My father gave me the name Louise also because of Superman's leading lady. Lois Lane. Lois' spelling may differ from my Louise but still it sounds the same. When I found out that my name came from her, I dreamed of having my own Superman too.
I have not fallen in love with someone but I looked for someone before. I am not that naïve as a no-boyfriend-since-birth girl because I had one. It was one-sided. He loved me but I accepted it for a reason. It is more of an accident boyfriend. That was nothing. Relationship without love won't work. In other case, I have been led on. I thought he was my superman but I assure you he was not. His name may be Clark but he is way different from what I expected. That is why I hate the word 'expecting'. He made me hate expecting. But my world didn't stop because he is gone.  There is always a better hello after you say goodbye to someone. Now, I am letting that 'hello' find me.
I eat a lot but I don't eat everything. I love sweets but I don't eat rice cakes. I drink often but I don't drink ice tea and punch. People find it weird. That is no doubt, I admit that I am weird in a good way. I hate you now but later I do not.  I ignore you then after a minute or two, I will talk to you. There is just one thing that makes me hate myself sometimes , I am a split-seconds decision maker. Once, I got mad I talk too much but later on I regret saying things. I am also a moody person. I changed moods faster than ever. So , If I were you do not do things that you think will make me feel uneasy. I may be stupid but you can't blame me . We are made with our  own differences.
For me happiness is eternal and in earth we only feel joy. In my life, I feel joy every time I kicked the soccer ball. I did not know when my love for soccer started or maybe I know. At first, I thought it is because I admire James Younghusband of Philippine Azkals but as I play it, I knew in my heart that I have loved it ever since. It is like the feeling that I always knew yet I just discovered it. Another source of my joy is friend. I know I can not live a day without anyone beside me. If people can not be with me , I believe there is still a friend I am with, my best friend, Jesus. It is joy, every time I sing a song for God. I am a proud Born Again, Christian.
I grew up acted like a boy, dressed like a boy and talked like a boy maybe because I have four brothers. I have this weird,loud, and huge voice. People recognized me as the speaker of all time when I was in my elementary  level. I did not know that  I will stood out. I topped the honor's list from the first grade to fifth grade and delivered my speech as a class valedictorian in the sixth grade. In the next stage of my life which is in high school, I graduated as one of the with honors.  I didn't know that my voice will lead me to something bigger. I have been part of our school's debate team before. They often gave me the opportunity as the Master of the Ceremony. The music of our church used my voice as it's back up singer. Most likely, I love speaking. I see speaking as my talent. I used speaking to express my feelings. I used it to change my life. I used it to win arguments.
There are things about myself that I haven't found out yet. There are still hidden things to discover as my life goes on. This essay about myself hasn't ended yet and so as my life. Because I believe that you will fully know yourself after you stop living your life. I don't know what is in store for me in the near future. Should I expect for a brighter one? Again, expecting is the thing that I hate but for the last time I will. I am expecting for my life to be like the first word I have written in this essay.